lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
When are your genitals available?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
