the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just blew my weed a kiss
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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