Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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