I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
should my penis look like a turkey
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
