Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My liver just had a heart attack.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
