Your dad touched me again.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i need some magic done to my vagina
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
