it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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