not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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