I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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