Say something about gay babies.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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