This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
