He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
