He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
