This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
