Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
