Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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