Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
