he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
