where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
