woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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