Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
