As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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