so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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