I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
