I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
