my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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