Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
