I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
