I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
