It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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