The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
