there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
