I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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