Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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