peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
