the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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