We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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