I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
