He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
