I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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