its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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