I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
