Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
