I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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