And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
