Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
