i think my mom watched the whole time
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
