Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
