I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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