Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My feet surprised me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
