Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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