They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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