i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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