this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
