..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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