You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
